Effective techniques for rebuilding strained relationships

Trust takes seconds to be broken, and a lot of time to rebuild. Whether it’s in our personal or professional lives, the impact of broken trust can be detrimental to our happiness as well as how we perceive our relationships. At work, trust is a huge part of company culture, team spirit, and business success.

Strained relationships can happen at all levels, too. It could be a manager and team member relationship, it could be peer-to-peer, and it can also be at board level. Several factors can cause strained relationships, and there is no “step-by-step” guide or special formula to counteract these because each situation is so nuanced.

Personal and professional blurred lines

When looking at what can cause strained relationships, there are multiple examples, however - one that is particularly difficult is the blurred line between personal and professional relationships. Now, we don’t mean romantic relationships at work - instead - we mean the care and friendship that inevitably occurs when you work with people for a long period. 

We spend more time with our work colleagues than we do with our friends and family, and creating friendships and having social aspects at work are important. However, when boundaries disappear and personal life spills into work life, we are more sensitive to our trust being broken.

This doesn’t mean that you should never become friends with someone at work, however, it’s important to remind yourself that no matter how close you feel with someone in the workplace, a boundary needs to be set when sharing non-work related issues. Your colleagues and managers don’t need to know the intricacies of your life, they need a veiled version with factual information so they can effectively support you as professionals.

Just because you get on well with someone, doesn’t mean that you’ll be picked and trusted professionally. Let’s exemplify what this could look like:

Let’s say that two managers become really great friends. They spend their lunch breaks together, swap notes on leadership, and increasingly spend more and more time talking about their personal lives instead of work. One day, one of the managers has to make a decision which could directly impact the other manager's progression.

On the one hand, they want their friend to succeed, but on the other hand, they know deep down that professionally that person isn’t ready yet.

If you have a personal relationship with someone, it can easily be interpreted as “that person broke my trust and sabotaged me”. Whereas, if you can keep your emotions attached to the personal relationship separate, you can understand that a business decision was made, and it has nothing to do with how that person feels about you outside of work.

We are all human, and it would be naive to assume that we can all operate latterly. However, the best relationships you’ll have at work are friendly and professional, instead of consistently working on a blurred line.

How can you mitigate this?

Distance. 

It may sound harsh, but creating a healthy distance is key if you respect the relationship and want to rebuild it. Communicating this is also important, and recognising where faults may have been made on both sides. The bottom line is that this will happen at some point in your professional life - it’s how you deal with this situation that makes all the difference!

Broken communication or a change in communication

Another factor that causes strained relationships and broken trust is a breakdown in communication or a change in communication. When someone’s communication in a professional setting isn’t consistent or clear, it can create frustrations and strain not just on a one-on-one basis, but at a team level, too. Broken communication, when left untreated, can lead to bigger problems such as poor business performance and the business's culture.

How can you mitigate this?

It’s time to have an open conversation and be sincere about how you’re feeling, as well as provide solutions. In situations where communication is poor, a lot of the time there is no malicious intent from either party, it’s simply just a clash of personalities and/or working styles. 

Set some goals for you both to work towards. One project will not fix the trust and communication issues, so ensure that you have patience and give this all the time that it needs. If it’s you raising the issue - don’t absolve yourself of any involvement. We are all works in progress!

Poor business performance

Finally, poor business performance can cause strained relationships through all layers of an organisation. Bad performance can happen at any level, but it is the responsibility of senior leaders to incite positive change and inject positivity into a “sinking ship”. 

The poor performance could be due to a project deadline being missed, or time being managed ineffectively. As leaders, trying to rebuild strained relationships off the back of poor business performance is a difficult task. Let’s look at an example:

Your organisation is performing poorly, and you need to lay off some employees; however, the layoffs have sent shockwaves through the organisation and people are feeling uneasy. Some worry that their jobs are on the line and others start panicking, causing poor time management and performance. 

How can you salvage this?

Firstly, open communication and radical candour are key. You need to be honest with people as to why lay-offs are happening, as well as being completely upfront with what challenges you anticipate are coming. In times of crisis and poor performance, people want to feel supported and not have unease or anxiety as to whether their time with the organisation is going to be ripped away from under their feet.

To conclude, rebuilding strained relationships takes time, it’s not an easy task, and it isn’t something that has a special formula. You should look to tackle strained relationships on a case-by-case basis and remember that your mental well-being is paramount in the process.